I want to become a woman.

It is the kind of thought that any man would probably have at least once.

That said, it was not that I truly wanted to become one.

It would be a waste of all the years I have built up so far.

I even went to the army.

Still, imagining it is allowed, right?

I needed money.

I felt like I could make a ton of money if I became a woman.

What triggered that thought was internet streaming.

‘Anything fun to watch?’

That day again, I was sprawled out on my bed, recharging myself.

Just like a phone, people need to recharge too.

Lying down and watching YouTube during this time is the only support that keeps me from running out of battery.

[Waaah! A 1,000,000 won donation! Thank you so much!]

I saw it.

A Vtuber video happily reacting to donations.

‘Damn, making money is easy.’

A hollow laugh slipped out.

All the miserable struggles I went through just for a measly 1,000,000 won came back to me.

‘What a sweet deal.’

They sit around playing games all day and rake in absurd amounts of money.

Shut away in their rooms, vacuuming up cash.

‘Should I try it too?’

The camera is just an avatar, so that is fine.

As for the voice, I can just run a voice changer program.

I am confident I am better at games than these people too.

I acted on it immediately.

First, I pulled out the money I had put into Bitcoin.

There had been 2,000,000 won in there.

Two years ago, that is.

[Total assets: 500,000 won]

This was a kind of alchemy.

A miracle born from the belief that ‘you have not lost until you withdraw.’

I magnificently transmuted 2,000,000 won into 500,000 won.

‘Where the hell did the concept of equivalent exchange go?’

After staring at the withdrawal history showing 500,000 won, I closed the window.

I turned on YouTube and looked through Vtubers.

There are a lot of cute and pretty avatars.

The Vtubers that show up in my algorithm are the top of the industry.

The so-called major corporations.

Their investment costs probably have at least one more zero tacked on.

‘There is no way I can get this level of quality with 500,000 won, right?’

500,000 is a huge sum to me.

In my heart, it is still 2,000,000 won.

‘Let’s go for a different vibe than the big corporations.’

If I make something similar, I would not even be competition.

It would be like a shrimp picking a fight with a whale.

I need to become a small but well made cocktail shrimp.

‘This will not do.’

I need help from a professional.

If it is about Vtubers, there is someone among my friends who would know.

I called without hesitation.

[Huh? What is going on? You are actually calling.]

Han Dongin, my middle school classmate.

Dongin is a certified hardcore otaku in our circles.

Up until middle school, we watched manga together and argued passionately about it.

After I stopped reading manga, all we did was exchange trivial jokes over text.

“Do you know Vtubers well?”

[What?]

Dongin went silent.

‘Even for Dongin, is Vtubers too much?’

What kind of excuse should I make?

Should I say I just got curious somehow?

[You, you… are you trying to get into Vtubers?]

Dongin asked.

His trembling voice came through the phone loud and clear.

“Yeah, kind of.”

I am not planning to watch them.

I want to try doing it myself.

[Lately, the one I have been watching is Hako-chan.]

Hako is a name I have never heard.

What is with the chan?

It is the first time I have seen it used like that.

I am Korean, not Japanese.

[Ah, no. For a beginner, I should recommend big corporations first. How about Aka-chan from Prism?]

Aka shows up in my algorithm.

I watch her sometimes for the spicy, blunt style.

[Is Aka-chan too strong? Then how about Alpha26 instead of Prism? This side is more of a general audience pick. If it is Arin-chan, you would probably watch too.]

I have seen Arin as well.

She is fun because she does all sorts of things that do not feel very Vtuber-like.

Turning on a half cam and cooking and such.

“Not that. Is there any kind of Vtuber you would want to debut right now?”

[Insanely good at games, never shows their real face, hits harder than celebrities, has a cute voice and a kind and funny personality.]

Dongin answered without taking a single breath.

Does someone like that even exist?

If they did, they would already be a celebrity.

“No, I mean the avatar.”

[The avatar?]

“Hmm…”

After a short sigh, Dongin stayed silent for quite a while.

[It would have to be a silver haired red eyed girl, right?]

“Silver hair and red eyes? Isn’t that a bit too niche?”

[What are you talking about? That is the dream and hope of all otakus. You liked it too, didn’t you?]

A character I liked until middle school came to mind.

‘You remember the weirdest things.’

My first love was definitely silver hair and red eyes.

A memory I would rather hide.

They say men never forget their first love.

[There are not many silver haired red eyed Vtubers. I wish there was one.]

“Alright, I got it for now.”

I tried to hang up.

I had gotten everything I needed.

[I said a bunch of embarrassing stuff. You did not record this, did you?]

“I didn’t.”

[If you spread this in the group chat, I’ll kill you. Seriously.]

I hung up.

He is noisy about every little thing.

‘There is no way I would do that.’

I am not that free.

I did briefly think it might be funny, though.

* * *

‘What is this? Custom Vtuber orders?’

I found a site that sells Vtubers.

From ten thousand won to one million won, the prices varied.

I looked for something as close to 500,000 won as possible.

If I am going to buy one, I might as well buy the best.

I added ‘fast turnaround’ to the search filters.

Because I wanted to stream quickly.

That was the first mistake.

‘This artist is a rookie?’

Coincidentally, I am a rookie too.

I felt a strange sense of kinship.

I wanted to fill in the five empty star slots myself.

That was the second mistake.

[If you pay in full, I will give you a 10 percent discount!]

Hooked by the message, I handed over a blood soaked 450,000 won on the spot.

That made it a strikeout.

‘Nice, I hit the jackpot.’

* * *

Back then, I was happy, thinking about subscribing to a voice changer program with the remaining money.

‘Whoa, is this work speed for real? What a monster rookie.’

They say it usually takes one or two months.

When I received the result in just one week, I was genuinely happy.

Here, genuinely means a complete idiot.

“Hmph~”

I snorted as I prepared for streaming.

There are two major mainstream streaming platforms.

Pajik Pajik.

And Jungle.

I chose Pajik Pajik.

That is where most of the streams I have watched on YouTube are.

Jungle scares me because I might get eaten alive.

At least electric torture is better.

“Whew.”

My heart trembled violently.

Shaking all over, I started the stream.

* * *

The excitement did not last long.

It shut off quickly, like a vibration alert.

The prepared lines never even got their turn.

It was a complete disaster.

‘No one is coming.’

Viewer count zero for thirty minutes.

My mental strength is not solid enough to keep talking alone with no audience.

Before long, I turned the stream off.

‘Should I gather viewers through YouTube first?’

YouTube was not much different either.

Three days.

Three videos.

Viewer count zero.

‘Is the thumbnail the problem?’

I sighed.

Normally, I would have quit here.

But I invested a huge amount of money, 500,000 won.

In my heart, it is still 2,000,000 won.

I cannot quit if only because it feels like a waste.

* * *

For a month, I uploaded a video every day, even if it was short.

The views scraped along the bottom, but I kept uploading consistently.

‘Oh. Three digit views.’

The horror game I tried this time must have hit the algorithm.

For the first time, the views broke past 100.

There are even nine comments.

With a fluttering heart, I opened the comment section.

Why do you sound like an old man?
Is that a voice changer? It’s trash.
Small channel trait) forced hype is insane.
That avatar quality holy shit lol at 0:38 what even is that. Even free stuff is better these days.

I clicked 0:38.

On the screen, I am frowning.

It looks exactly like my expression right now.

‘This is driving me crazy.’

My eyelids pushed through my furrowed eyebrows.

I have never seen this kind of garbage quality anywhere.

I grabbed my phone immediately.

[Tturururu… the number you have dialed cannot be reached, after the beep please…]

I threw the phone onto the bed.

The bastard artist who made the avatar is completely unreachable.

I read somewhere that there is a culture where people call the person who made their Vtuber avatar their mom or dad.

Like they gave birth to them.

With reverence, I muttered and called the artist too.

“You bastard with no mother or father.”

That did not make me feel any better.

I kicked the blanket several times.

Only my poor legs hurt.

I picked up the phone I had thrown and looked at the remaining comments.

Just in case I could find some comfort.

Guys stop dogpiling it’s watchable why are you freaking out

There was someone supporting me after all.

There are even four replies to that comment.

‘So this is where the supportive comments gathered.’

Smiling, I opened the reply thread.

ㄴAlt account? It’s boring as hell

ㄴJust turn it on while sleeping it’s sweet lol third day of good sleep

ㄴYou were the worst one lol

ㄴDon’t listen to these guys I slept with this on and woke up at 6:38 pissed off and almost smashed my phone

Only the last comment has three likes.

I pressed 6:38.

What on earth could it be?

[Uwaaaaaaah!]

A scene of me screaming played.

The voice modulation cracked the sound like breaking glass.

It is not pleasant to listen to.

‘Looking again, it wasn’t even a moment to scream.’

I had screamed on purpose.

I was not even that scared.

‘Honestly, it’s not scary at all.’

I cannot understand why people make such a fuss about being scared while playing horror games.

It is just a game.

Games are fun.

But horror games are an exception.

“Uwaaaaaaah!”

Annoyed, I buried my face in the pillow and screamed.

[Uwaaaaaaah!]

Maybe it was still playing, because the me inside the phone screamed along with me.

I shoved the phone under the blanket.

Nothing is going right.

* * *

That day, I went to the back mountain that I rarely ever visit.

I thought breathing in some fresh air might make me feel better.

‘Haaa, did I take this too lightly?’

My mood did not improve.

At least it did not get worse, so that is something.

Maybe it is thanks to phytoncide, the aromatic compounds said to be released by trees.

There was a small shrine there.

A tiny shrine I would normally have walked past.

Half jokingly, I prayed to it.

Just to lift my mood.

“Please let me become a Vtuber who is pretty. And cute. And good at games with real immersion.”

It was a lighthearted wish.

But for some reason, my feet would not easily move away.

I took out a coin from my wallet and placed it in front of the shrine.

It was an unremarkable 10 won coin.

An old brass colored 10 won that is hard to find these days.

Something I carried like a good luck charm.

‘Will it still be here when I come back next time?’

With slightly lighter steps, I headed home.

Up until then, nothing happened.

Not until the next morning.

Before I woke up in bed.

* * *

I woke up rubbing my eyes.

My body felt strangely light.

Even though I must have drunk myself senseless the night before.

‘Huh?’

I felt a sense of discomfort around my eyes.

The hand rubbing them was small and soft.

Like it was not my hand.

After rubbing my eyes one more time, I spread both hands and looked at them.

They were small, pure white hands.

‘Is this a dream?’

I pinched my cheek with my hand.

It was soft like a marshmallow.

Soft.

A texture I have not felt in a long time.

Something was seriously wrong.

I jumped up in one motion and ran to the bathroom.

‘I need to look in the mirror.’

My foot tangled and I almost fell.

My stride is shorter than I thought.

Thankfully, I did not fall because I grabbed the wall.

Bracing myself against the wall with one hand, I entered the bathroom.