Sakura Airi POV

I was never good at interacting with people. Talking while looking someone in the eye made me nervous, and spending time in crowded places made me feel unsettled. To put it modestly, I wasn't good at socializing, but it wasn't that I particularly liked being alone either.

It's true that I always spent time by myself. I'd grown accustomed to solitude. But it's not like I never felt lonely. I wanted someone, someone I could truly connect with from the bottom of my heart.

In middle school, I wore a mask. I wore the false mask of an idol, hiding my true self to live—because only then, I could live as someone other than myself.

But, was that really the right thing to do?

Does everyone else, like me, wear a false mask in front of others? Or do they show their true selves without pretending?

Thinking about various things, I grew tired of wearing a mask. And so, as if running away, I enrolled in this Advanced Nurturing High School. In this school, contact with the outside world is prohibited for three years. I had hopes that here, I might be able to start a new self.

—And then, I had a fateful encounter.

I was able to become friends with two people: Tsubaki Yuki-san, who shares my interest in cameras, and her childhood friend, Ayanokōji Kiyotaka-kun, who doesn't look at me with strange eyes.

For the first time, I felt that being with others was enjoyable. I could consult them about painful or difficult things. I felt happiness in such ordinary things.

In May, when the school's system was revealed and we were told that failing the midterms would lead to expulsion, it was those two who helped me when I was terrified alone. Knowing that I'm not good at standing out, they suggested we have one-on-one study sessions.

Normally, I would have just been trembling in fear alone, but now I have friends that are reliable.

One day during a study session, I asked Ayanokōji-kun what he thought about wearing a false mask in front of people. I thought that he might be able to answer the question that had been on my mind for so long—

"There's no one in this world who doesn't wear a mask. I, and you too, live wearing masks to a greater or lesser extent."

—Ayanokōji-kun answered without hesitation like that.

"A mask is a lie. Every human being lives by telling lies. That goes for me, and it goes for Yuki too. Going along with what others say, blending into the situation—without these things, a community cannot exist. Everyone uses lies. People show different faces in front of their family, in front of their friends, and in front of society. But is that a sin? What is one's true face? If the current me is real, then is the me who uses polite language in front of the teacher fake?"

Honestly, what he said was difficult, and I couldn't even understand half of it. But, Ayanokōji-kun told me that wearing a mask is normal and not wrong.

"People cannot live without masks. But surely, telling lies isn't always a bad thing, is it? There are lies to save people, and there are lies to protect oneself."

Lies to protect oneself—hearing that, another version of me inside surfaced.

"Kind lies save people. That's why I don't think wearing a mask is a bad thing, and I don't believe there is anyone who doesn't wear a mask. I don't know if this is the answer you were looking for, but this is my way of thinking."

For the first time, I felt affirmed by someone other than myself. Tears welled up unintentionally, and it caused Ayanokōji-kun to panic a bit, but seeing him flustered like that was unexpected, and I ended up laughing and crying at the same time.

—After that, around July when the midterms were over. There was the incident where Sudō-kun filed a complaint against Class C, and I happened to be at the scene and had photos as evidence.

Honestly, I thought I should step forward immediately, but I was terrified and couldn't raise my hand, just looking down. Even though I'd made friends, I hadn't changed at all. There was no way I could speak up in front of people.

But, feeling that I couldn't stay like this, I consulted with Ayanokōji-kun and Tsubaki-san. With these two, they might give me a push—maybe I could change too. I had that hope.

The result was far from just changing.

I never imagined I would end up having an adult relationship with those two. But, it didn't feel unpleasant. How should I put it, the embarrassment came full circle, and now the things I used to be afraid of seemed trivial.

It's n-not like I've come to like that kind of thing. Well, I don't dislike it, and if asked, I wouldn't be opposed to accepting, but that's not it—climbing the stairs to adulthood caused changes in many things.

The world, which had been gray until now, finally gained color—that's the feeling.

I decided to participate in Sudō-kun's hearing. I've gradually come to accept the part of me that was Shizuku, the persona I'd been struggling with.

At the hearing, I spoke up on my own and presented the photos as evidence. In the end, I couldn't be of much help, but still, I think it was a good opportunity to break away from my old self.

While I was at it changing, I decided to resolve my worries too. I consulted Ayanokōji-kun about someone who had been stalking me for a while, asking if he could do something about it.

I had a suspect. The store clerk from when I bought my camera right after enrolling—ever since I wrote my name and address on the warranty card back then, strange letters started coming, and since I have no other leads, it's probably correct.

Ayanokōji-kun said, "If you have a lead, it's easy," and went to meet the electronics store clerk.

He said I was his girlfriend and boasted about how amazing I was in our night life. Honestly, it was super embarrassing, but I knew Ayanokōji-kun wouldn't do something meaningless like this. Believing this was necessary, I acted as he instructed.

As a result, Ayanokōji-kun got punched by the store clerk.

I screamed involuntarily. The store clerk was immediately restrained by the surrounding adults, but blood was flowing from Ayanokōji-kun's head and his face was terribly swollen.

He himself said, "It's no big deal," in his usual tone, but thinking he might die, I was enveloped in tremendous fear—at the same time, I understood. I can no longer live without this person.

If I thought about Kiyotaka-kun—Ayanokōji-kun—no longer being in my world, I felt no meaning in living. I wanted to be with him, to live for him, I thought that.

Later, Tsubaki-san—Yuki-chan, perhaps sensing my inner feelings, smiled an eerily seductive smile I'd never seen before and said, "You've got a good look on your face now, Airi-chan. Welcome to our side."

Hearing that, I understood that Yuki-chan and I are the same. She, too, cannot live without Kiyotaka-kun. She's someone who wants to live for him.

Basically, I dislike commotion. If it were before I accepted this change, I probably would have asked the school not to blow things up.

However, Yuki-chan told me that now, making a big deal out of it is actually for Kiyotaka-kun's sake. If it's for his sake, I'll make as big a deal as possible. In the end, 2 million PP in compensation was transferred, and along with my parents, whom I saw for the first time in a while, we received an apology from the school.

Surely, this 2 million PP is important. Then, I should give it to Kiyotaka-kun. I don't need it, and since I am Kiyotaka-kun's possession, giving it to him is only natural.

I'll do my best from now on.

I'll work even harder and be useful to Kiyotaka-kun—that is my reason for being here, my reason for living. If he asks, I'll accept anything. Kiyotaka-kun seems to unexpectedly like breasts, and my complex about my large ones only drawing unnecessary attention has now, conversely, become something I'm grateful for.

This is one thing I won't lose to Yuki-chan on. I've heard that Ichinose-san has apparently joined the fray as a rival, but I have absolutely no intention of losing to someone who can't yet live for him.

◇◆

Ichinose Honami POV

Thinking back on it now, I feel like there might have been other ways. I'm aware that I got swept along by the situation, and it's not good to drag out this kind of relationship indefinitely. But, with the excuse that it would be too selfish to ask for something myself and then back out when things got inconvenient, I ended up continuing my relationship with him—

It started on a certain day in July.

In the morning, when I checked my mailbox, there was a cute letter inside. At first I tilted my head, wondering what it was, but when I checked the contents, I couldn't help but sigh.

Of course, being a girl, I've dreamed of the scenario of being confessed to by a member of the opposite sex. But I never thought my first confession would be from the same sex, and moreover, a classmate.

Honestly, I had absolutely no idea what to do. I'm straight, so I intended to refuse, but I didn't want to refuse in a weird way and hurt her. On the other hand, if I consulted someone clumsily, it might blow things out of proportion. There was no way I could consult a classmate about this.

When I searched online for how to turn down a confession, it said that saying ‘I have a boyfriend’ is a way to avoid hurting the other person too much.

However, asking a male classmate to play the role of my boyfriend was impossible. Since the letter was from a girl in my class, it was obvious the lie would easily be exposed.

Then, a boy from another class—I thought, but not to brag, my circle of friends isn't that big outside my own class, though it is within it.

While I was worrying about what to do, that's when Ayanokōji-kun from Class D appeared.

Class D was currently in a dispute with Class C over Sudō-kun's incident, and my Class B was in a position of cooperating with them. In that context, Ayanokōji-kun was a male student who was popular even among the girls, enough that I'd heard his name.

When I talked to him, he seemed gentlemanly, and I thought he'd be suitable for the role of pretend boyfriend. However, he had a girlfriend. I thought asking him to be a pretend boyfriend would be difficult—but when I consulted him, it turned out he was surprisingly single.

When I tentatively asked him to be my pretend boyfriend, he agreed immediately. Thinking this would solve everything, I introduced Ayanokōji-kun as my boyfriend to Chihiro-chan, the classmate who sent the letter.

However, Chihiro-chan didn't believe my words at all. It seemed she knew about my recent activities, and it was obvious that there were no signs of me dating Ayanokōji-kun. What to do—as I was at my wit's end, suddenly Ayanokōji-kun's face blocked my vision.

At the same time, a soft sensation on my lips.

I immediately realized I had been kissed. Probably, Ayanokōji-kun grew impatient with stubborn Chihiro-chan and resorted to direct action. Honestly, it was embarrassing, but if I pushed him away now, everything would be ruined. I couldn't waste his consideration.

However, even after what felt like a considerable amount of time, Chihiro-chan showed no sign of giving up.

Then, Ayanokōji-kun put his tongue in. His tongue moved around inside my mouth like a living creature, stimulating my teeth and gums. A sensation like an electric shock ran through me. When my tongue, which I had instinctively retracted, intertwined with his, a numbing pleasure coursed through my body.

Being inexperienced, I didn't realize that this was sexual pleasure. I just let it happen as Ayanokōji-kun ravaged my mouth, and each time, I drowned in the unfamiliar sensation.

After what felt like an eternity had passed—Chihiro-chan was gone before I knew it.

My legs and hips had no strength left; I couldn't stand.

As I sat down, leaning my body against him, I noticed my underwear was wet. Even I knew well enough that this wasn't from wetting myself. It meant I had been aroused just from kissing him. I absolutely must not let him find out—

As I was thinking that, he dropped a bombshell revelation. He confessed that he had physical relationships with Tsubaki-san, Sakura-san, and Kushida-san, and that the kiss just now was something he'd learned from his encounters with them.

Conventionally, I thought such things were wrong, but he denied that as a matter of course. He seemed almost to imply that I was the one being unconventional.

No, no, conventionally, he should be the one in the wrong—as I thought that, his hand slid under my skirt.

Thinking back on it, there was no way I, a virgin, could hide anything from the vastly experienced Ayanokōji-kun. After confirming my state, he said he wanted compensation for this incident and brought his face close to mine.

I wasn't so naive as to not understand what he was implying. Of course, I could have refused. Ayanokōji-kun also said it was fine to refuse if I didn't want to. But, I had already experienced that sensation from before.

That feeling of inescapable pleasure washing over me like a flood—it was my misfortune that I wanted to experience it again.

Before I knew it, my mind went blank, and I was taken to his room. So this is what they call 'taking someone home'—as I thought vaguely, my reason, sensing that this was definitely going too far, barely managed to call a halt.

However, such fragile reason was no match for his kiss. Like a sandcastle being kicked apart, my reason collapsed, and I accepted him. From there, it was as quick as falling down a slope.

Before I knew it, I was seeking him out myself, and together with Kamuro-san from Class A, who had somehow appeared, we spent time in Ayanokōji-kun's room until evening. I cancelled all my promises and errands. I just drowned in the acts with them.

I thought I was relatively chaste, and even if I were to date a man someday, I couldn't envision us having that kind of relationship. Yet, here I am. I did ask him to be my pretend boyfriend, but there's no love between him and me. Despite that, our lewd relationship continued.

If he sought me, I responded, and I didn't particularly feel bad about it either.

Of course, I understand that this relationship is wrong. But even though I understand it in my head, I couldn't break free from it.

You might think I'm easy, but I think I've probably come to like Ayanokōji-kun. According to Kamuro-san, who did those things with us, "This guy just smoothly slips into the gaps in people's hearts." She's probably in the same situation as me.

I am, temporarily at least, in a relationship with him, even if it's fake.

Then, I think I might as well use this relationship as much as I can. He might not like me, but surely it's not wrong to try my best to make him like me.

Every night, when we talk in bed together, I can feel his presence growing within me. I decided I would do my best so that he might understand these feelings, even just a little bit.

* * *

This chapter features Sakura and Ichinose.

For Sakura, it's the process until she breaks free from her own hesitations.

Ichinose is in the midst of great confusion. She's convinced she likes Kiyotaka, but in reality, she's at a stage like coming down with 'first love measles'.